She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
