you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
