i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize