I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
