So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
