I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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