I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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