Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
