Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
