Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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