just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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