we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
