genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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