So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize