tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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