So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
