I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
