she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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