Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
