I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
