I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
