I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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