After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and she was petting her beer can
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
