No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The power of my boobs compel you
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
