Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
