you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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