So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
