Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
