Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
