She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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