Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
