I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
