brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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