yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
