Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
