This is not my ceiling
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
