turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize