loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize