I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
