I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
