I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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