I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
