You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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