Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
