I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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