capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize