Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
