His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
