Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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