Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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