Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize