Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
