I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The beer is more important than you right now.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
