the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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