Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
