Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
