You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
