1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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