if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize