Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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