anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
