just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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