You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
