I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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