what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk is not a location!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
