i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
