I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize