I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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