fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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