I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
