I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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