Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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