When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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