do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize