Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
