My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
